Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The ABC's

Alphabet Blogs Can't Determine Everything. Furthermore, Good Horses Intentionally Jog Kindly. Laughing Morons Never Oppose Precious Quadrilaterals. Rightly So, Those Umbrellas Veer Wayward. Xylophagus' Yield Zebrawoods.

Hmmm. That wasn't fun at all.


Monday, March 30, 2015

Hobby Lobby

Today J and I went to the Lobby. Isn't it the greatest place on Earth? Well, for some reason J has been a pooping machine today and decided that he needed to relieve himself in the Lobby. I did as I normally would and told him to suck it up and we'd change it when we got home.


I schlepped him and my "hobbies" to the bathroom. I laid him on the changing table and proceeded through my process. Side note: I cloth diaper so I have to empty the diapers before I take them home. Actually, disposables should be doing this too. 

Anyway, I turned my head to get the new diaper out of the diaper bag and when I turned back around, I saw the worst thing so far in my raising boys days.

J had apparently started playing with his diaper and the wad of poop had fallen on his chest. 

O. M. G. I had a little panic attack but in my head I was telling myself to stay calm so J doesn't freak out and try to grab it. Well, he heard my thoughts because at that time his tiny, fat hand started moving towards said wad. 

In a freak mom moment I grabbed the poo and flung it across the handicapped stall and into the toilet. Then we just stared at each other and agreed to never speak of the moment again. In a way, we bonded.

When I got him down, he walked over to the toilet and flushed the wad down the drain. 

Never a dull moment.


Sunday, March 29, 2015

Just Like A Man

This happened tonight...

Just like a man, right? I wasn't able to catch him walking around with it hanging around his neck (yes, I know how bad that sounds) for a solid 10 minutes. He was so proud of himself.


Saturday, March 28, 2015


We went to a surprise birthday party today and stayed put pretty late. How is it that J and B can go from running around, full speed, and then go straight to sleep as soon as they lay down?

For serious!

J was running all over the restaurant, in his usual toddler fashion, and it seemed that as the night continued, he was fueled even more! But we got in the truck and he was sound asleep before we got on the interstate.

B is the same. As soon as the light goes out, princess is in a deep sleep. 


Not so much. My thoughts go a little like this.

Finally! I'm in bed. What a day!
Did I pay the phone bill?
Did someone feed Bonnie?
How can B eat the heel of the bread loaf?
Is that rain I hear? The weather guy said it wouldn't rain tonight. They're useless.
Why do we participate in daylight savings? Isn't it all the same in the long run? 
When will Krispy Kreme come up wth a 5k? 
What Ann decided it was "sexy" for women to shave? What a moron.
And every argument B and I have ever had comes to mind. I think up witty responses and win. Every. Time. Sometimes I wake up angry at him because remembering the argument made me mad. Crazy? Or just a woman thing?

And this goes on for hours. But by this point, B is in a far away land, on a beach, sipping whiskey and coke while Jennifer Anniston calls him "big boy" and caters to his every need. I'm lucky to be in the same airport with Mr. Beckham on my way to our island. 

Such is life.

-Sleepless In Georgia

Friday, March 27, 2015

Last Night, part 2

Last night was a little better than the night before. J definitely slept all night long and even woke up with this precious face!

But J wasn't what kept me up. Cat decided my neck looked like a great place to sleep. 

He's a peach.


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Last Night

Last night was an interesting night in the B house. It all started with the fact that I had to work today. You see, J never sleeps well and I never sleep well knowing that the alarm clock is going to start screaming soon. I laid in bed until midnight with my mind running and then I was finally able to drift off to sleep.

Until 2:40 am.

That's when J started singing the chant of his people. It started out with a soft but high pitched "oooo". Then it moved on to "choo choo" then "daddy, daddy" and finally ended with a "o wow o wow o wow". Good times, right?


I laid in bed and listened to him for a solid 20 minutes all the while Sleeping Beauty was resting peacefully beside me. After 20 long minutes of chanting, I decided it was time to go see what new spirit he was conjuring in his crib. I expected to find him sitting up talking to himself or playing with his elephant but he was face down, laying on top of his blankets, talking to himself.

At this point, all of the motion woke up a few of the other housemates. Like, cat and B. B came walking in wanting to know how much Benedryl I should give J. Side note: J has been stuffy and Benedryl helps. I told him 3/4. Of what, I thought he would read my mind. Unfortunately, my spotty instructions yielded a tick's dosage of medicine. I apologized to B and sent him back for the remaining dose. He came back but going from the bright light of the kitchen to the dark of the nursery caused him to drop the syringe on the floor because he couldn't see. At this point, I want to let you know J is definitely not asleep and I'm worried that the longer this little charade goes on, the harder of a time I'll have getting him to go back to sleep.

We find the syringe, dust it off and give it to the smallest king of the house. That's when, if you didn't already think it before, all hell broke loose in our house. Actually, in that tiny room at the end of the hall.

J laid his little head down and started to fall back asleep. As B was walking out the door, Cat decided he was read to get up and play. He found a rogue plastic Easter egg on the floor in J's room and stared batting it around. In a dark fury, B burst back through the door in his "jammies" and began crawling around on the floor trying to catch Cat. Cat darted under the rocking chair then under the crib which B on his furry heels. B finally grabbed a hold of his tail and yanked him out from under the crib.

B was yelling obscenities, Cat was screaming and I'm standing in the middle of the room with J saying "uh oh! Uh oh!". Good times.

After B caught Cat and headed back to the bedroom, J was finally able to settle back down. As I climbed in bed, Cat thought my hands were play toys and began pouncing around on the bed trying to attack me.

Tiny, dumb, cat.

Hopefully tonight won't be quite as eventful as last night. Though as I've typed this entire story, Cat is going ballistic on the conch next to me attacking everything from a sock he drug out of J's room to a bottle of hand sanitizer.

I feel like I'm the sane among the crazy.

-The One Not In The White Coat

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


Today something terrible happened. I'm not even sure I'm over it to talk about it yet. But because I promised a post each day, I should probably share. I also figure that this is the most understanding and loving audience, right?

Ok, here we go.

Tonight we had a dinner at church. I got in the truck before B had J in his car seat so I took a look at my hair in the mirror. It felt like it was misbehaving so I decided to take a look and see what I had subjected the world to. 

And there it was.

Correction. There THEY were.

Two, bright white hairs. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

I went into full on panic mode and yelled for B to take a look at once. His response was this :
 "Oh yeah. Maybe it's just paint."

Ok this is the point where I went ballistic for two reasons. One, he clearly wasn't paying attention when I said what I did with my day and two, where did he even see fresh white paint in the house?!

Back to the.... Intruders.

After we separated them from the rest of the pack, B plucked them from my scalp and just like that, they were out of my life. Until I found one sitting in my lap in the ride home and I shed a tear. 

I would have taken a picture but I didn't want the reminder. Or the blackmail chance for B.

Thanks, Charlie Mize. 

I'll continue to wear black until I feel I have appropriately mourned my follicular woes. 

- W

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Lady's Week

In 13 days I'll be in sunny Las Vegas, Nevada. Let's take a look at the temps, shall we.

Bam! That's what I need. And think about this, it's 77 degrees at 7 pm. How awesome is that?

On another fun note today I read about Cat's specific breed of Siamese. All of the websites say one of the main characteristics is a cat that is very attached to their owner. They may even sleep with their head on the same pillow. Cat shares a pillow with me. Every. Night. He's such a pillow hog. 

Don't worry, A. The post about toddler foods is coming up. I haven't consistently been at home with J to give you a good take on what he eats. Don't worry, whatever S is eating is probably the same. If you're feeding him pickles and hotdogs. Whatever keeps them haooy and fed, right?


Monday, March 23, 2015

The Monster

No. I'm not talking about J. But I am considering an exorcism to remove the demon from within his tiny body.



The monster I'm talking about lurks deep within the pond in our front yard. Let me first say that I'm pretty proud of my little ecosystem. We have hawks that eat all kinds of things (on the dock railing), salamanders that happen to be losing their tails right now (hawk related?), frog and frog babies, moles (how do we get rid of them?), snakes and this guy...

Do you see him? Do you see his nasty, scary face? Let's get a better look.

Yep, that's our resident snapping turtle. You know what's weird? We were actually excited to see him come back to our yard. The pond dried up last fall and he moved out. When it refilled, he came back and decided we were worthy of a second chance. The problem? He didn't bring his lady friend back with him. I'm a little curious as to what happened. Did they get in a fight over how slow she was getting ready to go out? Did she think his pond was trashy and needed a more hospitable environment for the babies that he really didn't want in the first place? At one time there were three turtles. Maybe he came home to find her in his pond with another turtle and he ran both of them off. Good for you, Tiny! Oh yeah, I've named him Tiny. Tiny the snapping turtle.

Enough about his social life. Check out these nails.

Look how big they are! And they're kind of gross but so is he. Maybe that's why she left. We'll never know.

All I do know is, one day I'm going to have to fight little J because he'll want to touch Tiny and I don't think Tiny is a lap turtle. Just a guess.


Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Boat

Last year B bought a boat and I thought he was nuts!

Isn't she a beaut? I wasn't sure what to think about her. I've never owned a boat before and my family had one before I came along. I was truly afraid that it wouldn't fit down our driveway and the thought of spending money to dock or store it scared me a little. But after B brought it home, my worries eased a little. Now I'm so excited to get back out on the lake with J this year! Well, B couldn't stand it anymore. He had to get out on the "open water" this weekend. A little chilly but we had a grey time.

Isn't he so cute!? He's also loving his little blue Crocks.

This was also the perfect opportunity to try out the new life jacket we got him for Christmas. He isn't too happy with it right now. His little arms can't lay down by his sides. He isn't excited in this picture.... he just can't move his arms.

Look at those cute toes! I wish I could capture them forever but I'm pretty sure I'd go to jail for that.

Where did his fat thighs go? Now he's just stuck with my knobby knees. Poor guy.

Unfortunately, those were the only pictures I got yesterday. We went to dinner at a lake side restaurant and had a fairly good time.


I lied.

WE HAD A TERRIBLE TIME! J has lost all of the table manners he once had. He screams, throws things, shakes salt all over the table and I actually caught him spit food on the floor! I don't know what's happened to my sweet little baby that would eat everything on his tray and then get down and run around. Meal times have become such a hassle for us. I've been reassured by a lot of parent friends that this is just a phase and one day we will be past it. I don't give a flying fart in space if it's "just a phase", I just want to eat in peace again!

I guess we're just going to be home bound eaters for a little while until I can drive some table manners into him once again.

But the one positive that came out of yesterday? B found the wallet he lost last year. And it had money!

- Stress Eater

Bad B

Every night before we go to bed B asks the same questions. "Did you set all of your alarms?" And "Did you do a blog post?" 

Well, he only asked one question and that wasn't about the blog. 

Here's a recap of our day yesterday.

We took the boat out for her 2015 maiden voyage. I'll post more pictures tonight.


Friday, March 20, 2015


I ran a 5k tonight. The very first one on my own so I really got to see my time. 

I actually ran 3.1 miles but I got a little flustered in the beginning and forgot to start my timer. I'm pretty happy with those results. 

Wether it takes you an hour to walk a mile or 10 minutes to run it, just get out and go! You'll be happy in the long run that you did. And you may even earn yourself a slice of cheesecake.

-Legs Of Jello 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

It's All Coming To Me Now

So I've heard the suggestion of toddler food and someone else said that when I can't think of something, just post pictures. Well, I'm doing a little bit of both today. I worked today so I'm a little too worn out to post about J's food choices or lack there of so we're moving on to pictures.

We were playing around the Photo Booth app on my computer one morning. This is J in the frog setting.

Phew. I was huge! You know what's funny? I never felt this big. And I can't wait to do it all again.

This was a pretty neat little picture I was able to capture while on B's birthday vacation. The house in the background is a house he spent a lot of his childhood in. He has a lot of memories in this tiny town and we, somehow, stumbled upon it on our drive down. He and J are FaceTime-ing his grandmother whom is from that same town.

This one is from our camping trip to the Keys. Every night in Key West, there is a sunset celebration. Right place at the right time, I guess.

And this is my #1 favorite picture of all time. That's my mom and my little guy. When she's off her cruise and sees this picture, she's going to say "Oh my gosh! Look at those wrinkly hands!" Nah. Those are the hands of a lifetime of hard work. I can only hope that one day my hands will look like that.

Miss you, mom!


Wednesday, March 18, 2015


So, the stomach bug has moved through the B house and J was spared. He's still rocking a cough but I can deal with that.

Topics for these blog posts are actually really difficult to figure out. Sometimes I ask B for ideas. His suggestion tonight was taxes.



No. Thanks.

So he's no help.

I'm asking you tonight for suggestions. Help me out here, people!

-Brain Fart

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


I wish I had something interesting to report on but I don't. Unfortunately the stomach bug hit me last night and J has developed a pretty nasty fever and cough over the last few days. 

For those reasons, I thought it might be fun to show you what's hot on my iTunes playlist right now. 

1.) Uptown Funk- Bruno Mars
2.) Thinking Out Loud- Ed Sheeran
3.) Sugar- Maroon 5 (take time to watch the video)
4.) Moving Pictures- Corey Smith
5.) King Of Wishful Thinking- Go West (if you don't instantly see the opening scene of Pretty Woman when hearing this song, we're not friends)
6.) Let's Go Crazy- Prince (did you think Prince wouldn't make the cut?)
7.) I'm Ready- AJR
8.) Mean To Me- Brett Eldridge
9.) Listen For The Train- Corey Smith
10.) Make Me Wanna- Thomas Rhett


Monday, March 16, 2015


This happened today.

He has a little tummy ache going on and diaper rash is trying to rear its ugly head so what better way to fight than to run around the yard without panties on?


Sunday, March 15, 2015


Just a few thoughts for Sunday night.

1.) I heard on the radio a few mornings ago that the average wedding cost is $31,000! "Congrats on your marriage! Here's some debt." For serious. Who really needs to spend that much money on one day when you're just as married by going to the court house?

2.) The snapping turtles came back to our pond! I'm so excited they decided to give us another try. 

3.) The warm weather has also brought out the dirt bikes in the woods behind us, hearing them actually put a smile on my face. Bryan tried dirt bike racing a few years back and I really had a good time at the different tracks.

4.) We removed the plastic wrap from the windows today and opened the windows for the first time since November. Finally, some fresh air.

That is all.


Saturday, March 14, 2015

Silly Songs

J loves singing songs right now. And sometimes he dances so I don't mind singing the songs. Though, I will say, I'm getting a little tired of a few and I've noticed that some of the songs don't ever really end. They just keep going and going and going...

and going...

and going...

and going...

Until you finally reach the end of the bus line for the Wheels On The Bus. That's when you move on to the Itsy Bitsy Spider and he continuously climbs up the waterspout while Mother Nature has different plans. Why is he climbing up the waterspout in the first place? Sounds dangerous to me.

J's new favorite is Down By The Station. He likes to pump his little fist when you get to the "puff puff choo choo" part. Which then begs the question, what's a "puffer belly"? Is that a fat joke for trains?

Some of life's questions may never be answered.


Friday, March 13, 2015

Old Blue Eyes

We should have named him Frank after Frank Sinatra but Bonnie and Frank doesn't have the same ring. Either way, someone is a boob man and won't settle for sitting in my lap.

And when we go to sleep, he rests his head on my face. Good times. 

Happy weekend! I'll be working. 


Thursday, March 12, 2015

Getting Big

People always ask me "how is J doing?" to which my answer is usually, "doing good. Getting big." 

I know it's such a mundane answer but he really is getting bigger by the minute. I try to soak in as much of him as I can but sometimes I just watch him as he shows off a new skill or names a new body part. That reminds me, I have got to record him imitating an elephant. 

Today he took a 2 hour nap like he always does and when he woke up, I couldn't believe how much older he looked. 

It gets to the point where I can't even look at his picture.

He looks like he's 4, right?! Oh well, time is moving a little quicker than I had expected but that's ok. He's an amazing little boy and I love every minute that I get. 


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Man

That man of mine... he cracks me up. I was scrolling through my photos, trying to get some blog ideas and came across this. 

You see, up until this particular day, I didn't know how to make coffee so when B was out of town, I'd have to fend for myself. I accidentally made coffee one day with almost 5 scoops of coffee for 6 cups of water. I thought I had a migraine that day but after asking him how to make coffee, I quickly reexamined my situation. 

I've never fallen down from coffee since.

Thanks, B but you also just gave up the recipe to the only thing keeping me here. Jk. I don't like walking the trash to the top of the driveway. 

Love you!

-Still Buzzing

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


For some reason Mother Nature has taken pity on our souls and I'm not complaining. This is where we are dinner tonight...

Yep, that's my back porch. We ate dinner on the porch. Those words are so heavenly. 

Here's to many more open air dinners.


Monday, March 9, 2015


As you've already realized, I don't get overly religious with my blogging voice. My religion is personal to me and I like it that way. But, I can't help but go nuts over this story.

Please do yourself a favor and read it.

Somehow I got roped into hauling a bunch of scrap wood to the dump today for B. I was waiting in line at the scale and thought I'd thumb through my CNN app. I've tried to stay away from it because ISIS scares the poo out of me but today I thought I would catch up. The head line of "Baby Found In River Improves". I've also tried to stay away from baby stories because they can be so sad but this one had happiness in the title. I read the amazing story of baby Lily and how she and her mom were in a car accident and was horrified by everything I read. That was until I read that 4 police officers heard a voice saying "Help me" come from the car. That was when they found baby Lily.... unconscious.... unresponsive and her mom had already died.

Now, I don't know if it is crazy mom hormones raging through my body that caused me to cry but I did. I cried in the scale line at the dump. Burly dump truck drivers looked at me like I was nuts. There was a voice that caused the officers to look a little further. How amazing is that?

The latest stories say the baby is doing well. She's watching Dora the Explorer and singing The Wheels on the Bus (J's all-time favorite). Experts say it was her "baby fat" that saved her life paired with a PROPERLY INSTALLED CARSEAT and the fact that they were upside down instead of being submerged in the freezing river.

I'm in awe at the protection that God and her angels provided for her for those 14 hours. I'm also saddened for her family because they lost a daughter but was spared a granddaughter. Kind of like that family who crashed in a plane but the only survivor was an 8 year old girl and she walked through the woods to a strangers house to find help.

Tonight my thoughts and prayers are with baby Lily's family as they grieve the loss of one family member but celebrate the life of another. I hope they are able to find peace during this time of darkness.

My thoughts and prayers are also with one of B's coworkers. He found out last week that his ex-wife, with whom he has children with, had only 5 days to live due to a cancer that had come back unexpectedly. What do you do with 5 days? I pray that he has no regrets with how the last 5 days have played out. We always wonder if we did things the right way and you never question that more than when you have children.

Kind of a heavy heart tonight but I feel like some of the recent stories are things God wants me to hear and take something away. Like he's giving me a sign but I'm not sure what it is or what I should do with it. One day he'll let me know. Right now all I can take away is that I need to realize things can change in an instant and I should cherish the relationships I have now.

"I will give thanks to You,  for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." -Psalm 139:14



Sunday, March 8, 2015

Ooops... Again

So I forgot to post last night. Oops. It was my best friend, K's, birthday so we went to dinner, a piano bar and a bar/restaurant/music venue for the night. A great time was had by all. 

I love our little town that we chose to call home almost 2 years ago. We walked to our favorite restaurant and had an amazing cheeseburger meatloaf that was out of this world. J even liked it! After that, the boys walked back home and K and I headed to the piano bar. The trick in our town is there are no "bars". Only restaurants with bars in them. Actually, we don't even have a liquor store. On of our favorites in this category is called Adam's and has a speak easy in the basement where a guy plays piano and takes your requests. I could seriously sit and listen to him all night. Next door was the music venue we went to. Again, they serve food like a restaurant but have a stage for different events. Last night was dueling DJs. Interesting but a ton of fun. 

So, I'm sorry for a missed post but mama needed a night away from the house. Don't worry, B left the dirty diapers for me to wash today. 

-Renewed and Refreshed

Friday, March 6, 2015


Ugh. I'm too tired to post anything and we all know why you're here anyway. So, here you go. 

Yep, that's a pants-less boy in our yard and he had a ball!! Bring on the summer weather!


Thursday, March 5, 2015


Guess who brought Cat to bed tonight? You guessed it. The same guy who didn't want him. 

-Losing Bed Space

Wednesday, March 4, 2015


Today I stayed home sick with a sinus infection. The day consisted of lounging on the couch and hanging out with J. So nothing terribly interesting happened around here.

My sister sent a box of restaurant napkins to our house yesterday. A bulk supply of napkins. So last night at dinner B said "do you need a napkin... Or 40?" I'll let you know when we run out of he first batch she sent us. 

-Forever clean

Tuesday, March 3, 2015


Today I took J to daycare so I could get a few things done and have the oil changed in the truck. I dropped him off as I usually do. I chatted with his teacher to see what he was doing in his class that week, which clothes I needed to take home and what I needed to bring back from him when I came back. At the end of the conversation, J had already wondered off to a play area and started playing with the other kids. I caught his attention and waved bye and at that point he made a sad face and started to run over to me. Then the unthinkable happened....

A girl stepped between me and my snuggle bunny.


He instantly got distracted, like most men do and then reached his tiny, fat, dimpled hand out and tried to touch her face. Now, I'm happy that my little man is being sweet to other little girls but how dare him let her come between us. I haven't even had time to build a highly inappropriate and boundary-less relationship with him. I then stooped to pretty low levels and tried to chase him to get a little goodbye kiss thinking that he needed a kiss to feel better about me leaving. After he ran away the, uh hum, 5th time, I decided it was time to give up and walk away. I turned to his teacher, said goodbye and told her I would be back in the afternoon to get him. I walked out the door and felt the need to turn around and check on him through the glass. He saw me standing outside the door but instead of crying he threw that little hand in the air and waved. I waved back and then he blew me a kiss.

I thought I had at least 10 more years before girls stole his attention. Well, all men are created equal, right? Regardless of age?

The face only a mother could love. MOTHER! Not random daycare girl.


Monday, March 2, 2015


Well, we got a cat and the first night wasn't so bad. Would have been better if I didn't have a nagging cold/sinus thing going on. You know, you can't breathe through your nose so you breathe through your mouth so you end up with a weird film on your lips and cotton mouth. Then, when you wake up, your throat is so swollen, you can't even swallow your first dose of morning nectar (coffee). The day is just downhill from there.

But enough about me and my problems, let's get on to the new family member.

Here he is!

He's a pretty sweet little guy. I had to do some major begging to get him into our house. B was afraid he would try to eat his feet in the middle of the night. Hello, irrational, deep rooted fear, I've been waiting on you.

But, somehow, this has happened.

Let's take a closer look.

Seriously, what was B's problem. Everyone is pretty interested in our new little guy. Dog isn't sure what to think of him. They were on the same ground until the cat ate out of her dish. That was the last straw. She angrily stated "I can't take it anymore!" and stormed out the door where she sunbathed in the front yard. Can you say, moody?

J has also taken to him but unfortunately, the cat doesn't agree with his way of showing affection so this is what I saw all day.

Oh and I forgot to mention the little guy's name. Well, Dog is Bonnie so his name is....


Bonnie and Clyde. Maybe they'll form some sort of friendship so we don't let the legends down. And, his blog name is Cat.

That's all from the home front.


Sunday, March 1, 2015

4 legs

We here, in the Burns house, have a new 4 legged family member and Bonnie isn't going to be happy about this. 

We have acquired a cat. No, kitten. What was I thinking? 

Pictures to come tomorrow. For tonight, well, I feel like I'm living with a newborn again. At least this one is potty trained.

-Crazy Cat Lady