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Monday, December 7, 2015

Adventures in Potty Training

Potty training has been on the mind lately. J was the one to initiate the training to start. He showed me signs that he was ready and I kind of took that and ran with it. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I've turned into a public restroom aficionado. For real. I now know where each and every bathroom is in the mall and I even have a portable potty attachment in my diaper bag for J's little booty to fit on without him falling in the potty.

Let me fill you in on the latest developments. Forgive me if you've heard the stories before.

This past week, J and I went to the mall to do a little Christmas shopping. We headed straight to Old Navy to begin our spending spree. We were walking through the store when J stood up and proudly shouted " I potty!" then, in typical fashion, he whispered "I potty, mommy!". I knew I only had a few precious moments to get that hiney on a potty before the waterworks started. We ran to the back of the store, through the dressing rooms and into the biggest bathroom stall I could find. I whipped out my handy dandy potty attachment, yanked J's pants to the floor, tossed the diaper across the stall in a mad frenzy and plopped him atop the throne. I was checking placement in the back when I then moved to the front to find my worst nightmare. J was peeing but not a drop was making its way into the potty. Instead, it was shooting out of his member, across the top of the potty, onto the floor and all over the stroller. Not knowing what to do, I began a very panicked whine which then set off a domino effect of J and I looking one another in the eye and whining.

I did what I thought I should. I hugged him close and tried bending him forward to help shoot gravity in the correct direction. Just so you didn't know, that doesn't work and actually ended up with pee touching more areas of the stall that I didn't foresee. At this point, J was so frantic, there was no stopping the stream of "pure driven snow". I decided the only way to stop this madness was to use manual force. I decided to manually point him... it... the nozzle, into the toilet. After a dime sized squirt, J was finished with his Bathroom Spray of 2015.

"Yay!!! Pee pee in the potty!", he shouted across the bathroom. We did our usual high five and clapping because, regardless of the horror that just took place, I was super proud of my little man. Then I stepped back and surveyed the damage.

Pee. Everywhere.

There was pee on the floor, the stroller, his pants, my pants, toilet paper holder, seriously, everywhere.  I didn't know which direction to head in first. I took his pants and mopped up what I could from in front of the toilet on the floor and then threw them away. There was no way I was shlepping pee and floor nasty pants around with me all day. I figured I could buy a pair of jeans while I was there to replace what I just took off.

It wasn't until I reached for J to apply another diaper on that I found him running his hands around the toilet seat to flush the toilet. Seriously, every trip to the bathroom makes me want to vomit and then throw him in a hazmat shower. But, unfortunately, his favorite part about the bathroom is flushing the toilet.

I got the diaper put back on, washed his hands, wished the bathroom the best of luck with the next toddler and got the heck out of dodge. It wasn't until I tried reentering the dressing room with a replacement pair of pants that the "kind" saleslady informed me that I wasn't allowed to take the tag off a pair of pants and pay for them later. So, we walked around Old Navy with a half naked toddler dancing in the stroller.

Things have gotten much easier since then. For example, he wore his Thomas underwear all day today without an accident. We even ventured out to the store and no issues. But I came prepared with a plastic grocery bag and change of clothes.

He's even developed a new habit when using the potty. He likes to flush the toilet and then says "Have a good day, potty!".

This story and potty training session has been brought to you by Appleton Estate Reserve Rum.

-Potty Expert

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Family Time

 Tis the season for Christmas movies. Normally, I would hate the idea of Christmas movies before Thanksgiving but tonight, this happened...


We all ended up on the couch to watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas (cartoon version) and the first 45 minutes of The Wizard Of Oz. And J sat through both!! 

Also, did you notice his bear friend? That is his new sleeping mate and I think it's adorable! Thanks, J and K for bringing him into our lives!!

-One Happy Mamma

Friday, November 20, 2015

Two Thoughts

I've pretty much given up on my New Year's resolution. Can you tell?

So here are the most recent thoughts/adventures I've had.

1.) I took J to Walmart a few days ago to do the Thanksgiving shopping. I suggested we host. What was I thinking? I had to make a quick bathroom stop before we got too far in and I found myself almost wetting myself on the toilet paper isle. Happens every time. Anyway, it crammed J and myself into the tiny stall and prayed he wouldn't touch anything before we were done. When I was finished, J looked into the toilet and excitedly screamed, "Yay, Mommy! Pee pee potty!". Of course the bathroom was full and I heard all of the other giggles. Thanks, J.

As we were walking out another mom and little boy entered the bathroom. J was pretty interested to see another boy in the bathroom too. So much so, he squatted down on the floor and proceeded to look under the stall wall. Awesome. 

2.) I took a shower by myself for the first time in two years a couple of nights ago. Well, maybe not 2 years but it has been a good couple of weeks. You know what I realized as I enjoyed my empty shower? I suffer from PTSD. Crazy, I know but I couldn't even close my eyes to rinse my hair for fear that a tiny finger was going to be jammed in between my toes, sending me into a sensory overload freak out. I was a complete nervous wreck. I took a shorter shower than if J had actually been in there with me. Pathetic.

Hello? Pre-mommy life? Where did you go?

-Still Suffering

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Oh, Dear

So this is why I don't leave the boys at home alone very often.


Have fun with that, Mom.

-W

Monday, November 9, 2015

Hello, Friend

I haven't felt in the posting mood lately and I apologize for that. I've spent a majority of my time inside (because of the 40 days and 40 nights of rain) with a 2 year old who has exploded out of the sweet, pleasant, happy child closet and into the wild blue yonder of the terrible twos. To be totally honest, I've been so annoyed by our current "phase" that I can't get my mind in a blogging place. 

Tonight that changed. Tonight, Maw Maw heard our cries for help and took our little shmoopey for the night. 

Before we had J we would think of something to do and say to each other " let's do that tomorrow night" and we would. Now we look at each other and say "let's save that for when we turn 50" even if it is bowling. We get so excited about the next time J will be away and start planning that mystical day. Then when the day does approach us, we have planned so many things, we don't know what to do first. Tonight was exactly that. 

I spent the whole day thinking of where we could go to dinner and what we could do after. B did the same. So when he came home, we found ourselves sitting in the kitchen, trying to decide what to do with our night of freedom. For 30 minutes. 

We decided on dinner and the mall.  

Then Walmart for dog food that wouldn't make the dog sick every time she ate.

So much for a wild night. I guess Maw Maw will just have to take him again.



At least we got shoes out of the deal.

Thanks, Mom.

-W

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

In A Nutshell

Trick or treating was a blast!


There's a part of me that is impressed and at the same time, I'm not. B is pretty prone to projects much like this one. But this is the first cardboard box project.

The down side? He has to top this next year. Good luck, B!

-W

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Hubby

My husband is better than yours. 


He made a Thomas train out of a wagon so J could be Thomas' conductor. 

I'm so excited to see how it all comes together. 

-W

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Lots of Pennies

We went to our church's fall festival yesterday.


He didn't understand the concept of receiving candy and not eating it right away. Everytime someone gave him a piece of something, he felt the need to spit out what was in his mouth and eat the new piece.


He's just now coming down from the sugar high.

-W

Friday, October 23, 2015

We Have A Problem


Looks like a simple picture, right? 

Wrong.

He was in his bed "asleep" and then he was in the hall. 

So we have an escape artist and Saturday mornings will never be the same.

-W

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Sleep

Sleep is a difficult thing for me. I've only ever slept well two times in my life. One of the times was when I was pregnant and the other time was while I was working night shift. Most of the time I lay down and my brain kicks into overdrive, thinking about all of the things that either need to be done or haven't been done yet. For example, the 3 days worth of laundry that have piled up and need to be folded. That will, for sure, keep me up tonight.

Last night was a different story. Last night, while flicking through Facebook, I came across a story that I couldn't resist but should have tried a little harder to do.

This is the image that caught my eye...

From Livesience.com
Yup. That's a snake. A snake that just left the Golden Corral. For real, though. That is a python and a guy riding a bicycle on a game reserve in Africa came across him. So what do you do when riding a bike and spotting an engorged python? Take pictures, duh.

Let's take a closer look at his head, shall we?

From Livescience.com
Yeah, that tape measurer says his head alone is 12 inches long. Hang on, I need to go get new panties.

From live science.com
*Faints*

That's just dumb.

So this is the fate of our little snake friend. Let's call him Larry. So, Larry is a 12.5 foot python living in Africa. Fun fact, pythons can grow to be 24 foot long. So Larry was only half his adult size. Chew on that for a while. Larry was feeling kind of hungry, so he headed over to the African Buffet and had himself a meal. Along came a bicyclist, let's call them Frank, he spotted poor old Larry and instead of pooping himself and passing out in fear, he whips out his camera and begins taking pictures. I'm sure Larry is ticked at this point because who in their right mind takes pictures after eating? Home girl doesn't.

Frank let Larry carry on with his day because, after all, a meal this size can take a python up to a year to digest and they won't have an appetite for at least a month.

Frank then heads to the park rangers and shows them the pictures of the binge meal and snake. The rangers are super excited because nothing interesting happens on a game reserve in Africa, right? They set out to find Larry to see for themselves. After a few days, they find him but he's dead. Apparently, Humpty Dumpty fell off a rock and died. Why, you ask? Well, when they opened him up, they found this little treasure...

From live science.com
Larry's meal had literally killed him. BECAUSE IT'S A 30 POUND PORCUPINE!!!!!! For real.

So a few thoughts come to mind.

1.) Why would you ride a bike in Africa? You will never outrun a Cheetah on a Mongoose.

2.) If a snake can grow in size to half of a transfer truck, I'm jumping ship. I'm serious, if one of these things EVER popped up in my neighborhood, I'd sell my house with everything in it. Well, first I'd pick my dead husband up off the floor because he would definitely die of fear. I sent him this link this morning and responded with "Yeah, thanks for that". He hasn't spoken to me since.

3.) 30 pound porcupines exist?!

4.) How does a python eat something so huge?

The last question got me to thinking so I watched 53 videos of pythons eating their prey. Such as alligators. So scary.

I seriously can't believe this story is real and that's why I had a hard time sleeping. But I refuse to let you suffer the same way I did so I'm offering up a super funny video.

You have to check this guy out. He has a ton of videos that are great but this one is by far the best. Warning, he's kind of vulgar but it's so funny.

Also, Cat fell in the toilet this morning. He actually drinks out of the toilet because J thinks it's hilarious to drop dog food in the water dish. Then the water gets cloudy and has a film. Come to think of it, I'm sure the toilet water is way better than the water in the dish. Either way, he immediately bolted out of the toilet, flinging toilet water all over the floor and my clean uniform.

You're welcome.

-Perplexed

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Chap Stick

I was in the craft room with J a few days ago and he was playing around with his little kitchen. I turned my back FOR ONE SECOND and he was putting on stick glue like chapstick.

I just stood there watching him and wondering how in the world "Don't use glue as chapstick!" ever became part of normal, day to day, life.

Love him.

Also, the proofs are back. That's right, we all get to figure out how the great "Picture Day Smile or No Smile" fiasco ended.




So, no smile but his eyes are open in all of them! Way to go, Shmoopie Face!

-Happy Mama

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

The Big 0-2

Oh man. That kid turned 2 today. I would get all sentimental but we had such a great birthday celebration. 

First of all, I got the proofs back on his school picture and they turned out great. I'll share those later.  For now, this is what I have...


I love that face more now than I ever have. For the record, he had pennies (candy) for breakfast and didn't even eat his dinner.

Then we opened gifts!



And he got a train track! I think he had a great time. I had to fight him to bed where we read the Happy Birthday book from Dr. Seuss. 

I'm more than ready to see what this next year has in store for us.

-W

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day! Not only does J turn 2 but he also has school pictures. We've been diligently practicing his smile but today while I was filling out his picture form, I made a note to the photographer that read "When you say 'smile', he closes his eyes. Good luck. 'Show me your teeth' tends to work".

We will see what happens. 

-Nervous Mama

Monday, October 12, 2015

Cuddles

Cat likes to cuddle and I'm ok with that but tonight he took it to a whole other level....


I missed you too, Cat.

-W

Sunday, October 11, 2015

The Fair

This week is the week of the fair at home-ish. It's actually in the next town over but I can claim it, right? Especially since we started going 5 years ago. Either way, the first night of the fair is sponsored by the hospital I work at so employees and family ride for free. 


Seriously, it's crazy. 

J loved the petting zoo.


My mom wants this guy.

 
And J felt the need to touch all of the goats. 

The best part about a fair? FAIR FOOD!!


Oh yeah. Steck fries covered in cheese, pulled pork and bar-b-que sauce. Heavenly.

Right before this picture, B said "I can't win this fight alone". 


And my little guy is developing so much personality. He now walks with his hands on his hips. 


Did I tell you he's moving up in classrooms next week for his birthday? That another sob story for another day. 

For now, I have to go deal with the pork, cheesy fries. 

-W

The View

Sometimes you need a view like this to reboot.


Beautiful.

-W

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Vacation

I can't be the only one who gets giddy with excitement when I know vacation days are coming up. I only have to work 2 more days and then I'm home free for a solid week! 

This is how J feels about it...


Well, we were actually practicing his smile again for school pictures. Unfortunately, B taught him how to wink and now when you ask for a smile, half of his face crinkles up. 

We've got a long way to go.

-W

Monday, October 5, 2015

Smile Practice

J has school pictures in a week. When you ask him to smile, he blinks his eyes. I'm sure B taught him this but I haven't figured out how just yet. 

Yesterday, the little guy was sick so I decided to take a moment and practice his smile. I have found that asking him to show you his teeth works.


I may need to assist with pictures. 

-W

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Retail Therapy

Where is Noah and his arc? It has seriously rained for 40 days and 40 nights. The pond in the front yard is so full that the water is spilling into the overflow pipe to keep from flooding out the yard. My main concern? The elephant ear bulbs that I planted this year are going to rot if it doesn't dry up soon. 

I felt so old walking up the driveway this morning, complaining about how my bulbs are going to rot. 

Either way, all of this rain has brought on some retail therapy. Why not, right? So we bought a new couch and chair. Sorry, 1/2 chair. 


Not a great picture but me and B are still fighting over his chair. I think it needs to be retired to the basement and he doesn't see thing my way. He'll come around.

-W

Friday, October 2, 2015

Sleep

I wish I could sleep like they do...



Nap time gets a little intense around here.

-W

Thursday, October 1, 2015

He Loves Him


Does anyone else see the tiny kitty paw near B's armpit? 

They are so cute together. 

I could hear Kitty from across the room.

"Thanks for making me a dining room, safe out of view of the dog. And thank you for protecting me from the mini you that insists on grabbing me by the intestines. I will love you forever."

And for the record. This is the Kitty Cat Cafe...


-W

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

My Favorite

Ha! You thought you'd see a picture of J or B. WRONG!! Mama has priorities. 

Rainy days like this make me want to curl up in bed with a good movie, a stick of chocolate chip cookie dough and this lovely drink...


Not really a pretty picture but that's ok. The drink speaks for itself. 

This is apple cider, whipped caramel vodka and a dash of nutmeg. 

I shall call it, Pre Thanksgiving Calories.

-W

Monday, September 28, 2015

Unsupervised Phones and Projects

I was bathing J tonight and my phone was left unsupervised.


Oh yeah. That happened. 

And when I tried to run away to work on a project, I had a follower. 


It makes it infinitely harder.

-W

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Kitty Litter

Today I bought this...


Do I get my "Crazy Cat Lady" badge now? I'm so excited about the "natural wood" smell that will fill my home every time Clide goes potty. Yes, I heard it.

I can either be excited about kitty littler or the fabric that I have coming in the mail tomorrow.

Or the Golden Girls marathon that is on TV Land.

I prefer my Geritol with a side of Metamucil, please.

-W

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Birthdays

I know he can drive me crazy but I love making birthday videos with this guy.

video

He cracks me up. "Happy day day to ooo!".

I know I have long failed at my goal of posting every day. I think I failed in February. Don't judge! 365 posts are hard! Especially when all you think about is Oreo cookies, Scandal and why pumpkin flavored beers can't be sold year round.

So I'm opening the floor for some suggestions. Oh and some birthdays! Any reason for this kid to sing Happy Birthday is desperately needed. Maybe he could be the new Willard Scott. That guy is just creepy.

-W

Thursday, September 24, 2015

It's Back!

Get ready, gladiators! Olivia Pope is back and all will be well with the world. TEAM JAKE!


TGIT!

-W

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Cheesecake

Cheesecake is definitely my favorite dessert. Next to Oreos and milk. And maybe chocolate and port wine. 

So maybe I have a lot of favorite desserts but Cheesecake Factory cheesecake is one that I would never turn down. Hear that, B? NEVER TURN IT DOWN!
 
Let me share...


Yep. That's happening. 

-W

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Back!

So I was told that my short posts before bedtime aren't fun because they don't really talk about anything. But then I was told that those are the best. 

Well, I'm back and guess what?! TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF FALL!!!

Bring on pumpkin spice everything and colder weather!! And best of all.... Fall TV. Maybe I shouldn't be so excited but here are a few things I'm watching this season...

1.) Modern Family- this is by far the best show on TV. Period. Premier is Wednesday the 23rd.

2.) The Middle- I hated this show at first and then I went on maternity leave. I would watch ABC Family every afternoon and then The Midde would come on. At first, I didn't pay any attention to it. Now I can't et enough. Premiere is Wednesday the 23rd.

3.) The Goldbergs- Man, oh man. This is awesome. I was born in the 80's but didn't necessarily "grow up" in the 80's. Even still, half of my iTunes playlist is derived from the show. Premieres Wednesday the 23rd.

4.) Blackish- This one completes my Wednesday line up. I really didn't like this show when it started either but now I'm in love. Premiers Wednesday the 23rd.

5.) Scandal- Seriously. If you aren't on the Scandal train, you're missing out. We left with Olivia and Fitz on the White House balcony but I'm still, and always will be, Team Jake. Premiers Thursday the 24th.

6.) American Horror Story- Oh you haven't watched this one? Then why are you reading this? Go, get a Netflix account and prepare to not be productive for the next 3.673 weeks. The best part of this show? It's an anthology so each season is different. My favorite season so far is season 2 which was Asylum. This year is based in a hotel and will star Lady Ga Ga. This season definitely won't disappoint. Premiers October 7th.

So, there you have it. Now you know why I may be absent a lot soon. 

Happy fall, y'all!!!

-W

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Alone

I've been flying solo this week. Both with and without the boys in the house. I won't lie, I've really enjoyed the nights that I came home to a completely empty house. Let me rephrase, empty and clean house. Seriously, I was on Cloud 9. But now that my time alone has come to an end, I'm kind of excited about getting my guys back in the house. I like the noise, messiness and all out crazy that they bring. 

I've always had this image that I would have a busy household but I would love every minute of it. Now that that image is slowly becoming a reality, I realize that it isn't always enjoyable in the moment.

I can't help but think about a few months ago. I had come home to a house turned upside down. The dog had cut her foot and who knows what outside and B was trying to get J down for bed. We spent 3 hours trying to get her cleaned up all while trying to keep J asleep. After things settled down, we headed to bed and basked in the silence. A tiny crunching sound started up from the hallway. I was worried we were hearing a mouse and then suddenly remembered that I forgot to get cat food on the way home and we decided to feed him Captain Crunch instead. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. 

So yes, while having a 2 year old is crazy difficult and the silence of an empty house is music to my ears, I couldn't imagine being happier any other way. I've had a few nights alone and I'm over being alone with my thoughts. I can't wait to have my boys back tomorrow. This is where we all belong.


Can we go back to this size?



-W

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Hike and Camp

B is going hiking this weekend which will end in a camping trip. This is what his pack looks like...


Yep. That's toilet paper strapped to the side. Looks heavy, doesn't it? That's because it is. His pack weighs 34 pounds. I'm glad he's found people who will do this with him because I wouldn't be caught dead with a poop shovel for an overnight trip.

-W

Kitty Litter

Today I was unloading the dishwasher in the kitchen and J was playing in the living room. I could hear him running around as he normally does right after he wakes up from a nap. I usually don't check on him too much because there really isn't anything off limits to him. Or so I thought. I walked into the living room when I has finished to find not one but three piles of kitty litter on the rug. Somehow, he got a hold of a plastic container and thought he would scoop USED kitty litter out of the bin and distribute them in the living room. What a mess. 

I decided that if I was going to be cleaning up the floor, I should probably go ahead and clean out the entire litter box. While I was doing that, I noticed that he had also decided to share his presents with the dog as well and dumped two scoops in her bed as well as on the floor in front of a bookshelf. 

Later in the night, we had been laying outside and we needed to come in and get ready for dinner. I was in the back of the house for all of a minute and I could hear him howling with giggles. I found him in the laundry room and the floor was soaked. He had used the cat's small water dish to scoop water out of the dog's bigger dish and had thrown the water down the steps to the basement. 

Needless to say, my floors got an impromptu cleaning. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

-W

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Books

Beach season might be over but now we're moving into cooler weather and even though we usually have a tendency to read a good book on the beach, sitting next to a fire outside with a good book is just as tempting. Here are a few I've been devouring lately.

1.) Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn Ok, so anything by Gillian Flynn is pretty amazing and she's coming out with a fourth book in Spring of next year! Sign me up, please. I was hooked on Gillian Flynn when I read Dark Places. I then moved on to Gone Girl which was a little....... weird. Finally I tried this one out. Reporter, Camielle Preaker, has to return to her hometown to cover a story on two murders of young girls. Don't let the "young girl" thing throw you off. You kind of don't like them. This book pulled me in in the first few chapters and I was sure I knew who the murderer was up until the last few pages. This is a shorter book and a quick read because you won't be able to put it down.

2.) Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of Pretend Adulthood by Laurie Notaro  O. M. G. Just read it. I laughed the entire time I read this. This book because my daily giggle. I didn't have a ton of time to dedicate to reading it in one sitting but I would usually read one chapter at a time, laughed until I almost peed, put it down and continue whatever it was I was doing. The chapter with the chicken gizzards is the best.

3.) Save the Date by Mary Kay Andrews  What kind of list would this be if it didn't have a chick flick? And I could definitely see Jennifer Anniston playing Cara Kryzik. I had  a craving for a love story and I definitely got it with this one. 

4.) The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins  This has been my latest obsession. I was looking for a book so I was reading a few reviews and this one kept popping up. This book has also been on the New York Time Best Seller list for a few months so I figured it was pretty amazing. Boy was I right. I've been hooked since I started this one but I have to warn you, the chapters are written from different characters perspectives and one actually goes back in time by a year. I didn't pay attention to dates in the beginning and now I'm having to play catch up.

Have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them!

-W

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Just Like Him

This is how my dad sits in his chair...


Well, he doesn't assume a prayer position but this is how he dresses at night and this is how he sits. Actually, my parents had two identical chairs in their living room and this is one. I think it's cute he looks so much like my dad and this isn't the first time. 

Love that little guy. Could time please stand still so I can soak him in a little longer?

-W