Thursday, October 22, 2015


Sleep is a difficult thing for me. I've only ever slept well two times in my life. One of the times was when I was pregnant and the other time was while I was working night shift. Most of the time I lay down and my brain kicks into overdrive, thinking about all of the things that either need to be done or haven't been done yet. For example, the 3 days worth of laundry that have piled up and need to be folded. That will, for sure, keep me up tonight.

Last night was a different story. Last night, while flicking through Facebook, I came across a story that I couldn't resist but should have tried a little harder to do.

This is the image that caught my eye...

Yup. That's a snake. A snake that just left the Golden Corral. For real, though. That is a python and a guy riding a bicycle on a game reserve in Africa came across him. So what do you do when riding a bike and spotting an engorged python? Take pictures, duh.

Let's take a closer look at his head, shall we?

Yeah, that tape measurer says his head alone is 12 inches long. Hang on, I need to go get new panties.

From live

That's just dumb.

So this is the fate of our little snake friend. Let's call him Larry. So, Larry is a 12.5 foot python living in Africa. Fun fact, pythons can grow to be 24 foot long. So Larry was only half his adult size. Chew on that for a while. Larry was feeling kind of hungry, so he headed over to the African Buffet and had himself a meal. Along came a bicyclist, let's call them Frank, he spotted poor old Larry and instead of pooping himself and passing out in fear, he whips out his camera and begins taking pictures. I'm sure Larry is ticked at this point because who in their right mind takes pictures after eating? Home girl doesn't.

Frank let Larry carry on with his day because, after all, a meal this size can take a python up to a year to digest and they won't have an appetite for at least a month.

Frank then heads to the park rangers and shows them the pictures of the binge meal and snake. The rangers are super excited because nothing interesting happens on a game reserve in Africa, right? They set out to find Larry to see for themselves. After a few days, they find him but he's dead. Apparently, Humpty Dumpty fell off a rock and died. Why, you ask? Well, when they opened him up, they found this little treasure...

From live
Larry's meal had literally killed him. BECAUSE IT'S A 30 POUND PORCUPINE!!!!!! For real.

So a few thoughts come to mind.

1.) Why would you ride a bike in Africa? You will never outrun a Cheetah on a Mongoose.

2.) If a snake can grow in size to half of a transfer truck, I'm jumping ship. I'm serious, if one of these things EVER popped up in my neighborhood, I'd sell my house with everything in it. Well, first I'd pick my dead husband up off the floor because he would definitely die of fear. I sent him this link this morning and responded with "Yeah, thanks for that". He hasn't spoken to me since.

3.) 30 pound porcupines exist?!

4.) How does a python eat something so huge?

The last question got me to thinking so I watched 53 videos of pythons eating their prey. Such as alligators. So scary.

I seriously can't believe this story is real and that's why I had a hard time sleeping. But I refuse to let you suffer the same way I did so I'm offering up a super funny video.

You have to check this guy out. He has a ton of videos that are great but this one is by far the best. Warning, he's kind of vulgar but it's so funny.

Also, Cat fell in the toilet this morning. He actually drinks out of the toilet because J thinks it's hilarious to drop dog food in the water dish. Then the water gets cloudy and has a film. Come to think of it, I'm sure the toilet water is way better than the water in the dish. Either way, he immediately bolted out of the toilet, flinging toilet water all over the floor and my clean uniform.

You're welcome.



  1. What puzzles me... THE PORCUPINE IS STILL ALIVE!! ahhhhhhh

  2. Snakes would keep me awake at night too! I promise sleep will come